You Catch your breath and I’ll Catch your tears

 
       
 
Jul 10, 2018, 10:05 PM

Work In Progress… I would love some Feedback Please

Thank you


I’ve been watching you all night, the sparkel in your eyes is lost deep in thought
Staring into the nights sky hoping everything is gonna’ be all right
And I can see your thinkin’ about him, the things he did, I know he broke your heart
And baby I can’t stand to see you cry no more.


It’s the bitter cold of winter you shouldn’t be alone
Waiting outside, for some standup guy, that aint showed up yet.
While the wind keeps blowin’, the rain keeps fallin’ your sittin’ all alone soakin’ wet.
Waiting outside, for some standup guy, that ain’t showed up yet.


So why don’t you
Take my hand, take a chance, you got nothing to lose & nothing to fear
You just catch your breath, and I’ll catch your tears
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears ers ers….
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears


Cause id,
Id never make you have to wish upon a falling star that I won’t go.
And you’d never sit by the phone wondering when I’ll be home.
Cause…Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii can see everything that fool couldn’t see
The first time I saw you my heart stopped it ‘skipped, it skipped a beat, beat


So… Baby why don’t you
Take my hand, take a chance, you got nothing to lose & nothing to fear
You just catch your breath, and I’ll catch your tears
You catch your breath and I’ll catch your tears eers ers
You catch your breath and I’ll catch your tears

 

And you’ll neve rever again be
Waiting outside, for some standup guy, that aint’ showed up yet.
And the wind keeps blowin, the rain keeps fallin’ your sittin’ alone soakin’ wet.
Waiting outside, for some standup guy, that aint’ showed up yet.


So…
Baby take my hand take a chance, you got nothing to lose & nothing to fear
You just catch your breath, and I’ll catch your tears
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears ers ers….
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears


So… Baby
Pleeease take my hand, take a chance, you got nothing to lose & nothing to fear
You just catch your breath, and I’ll catch your tears
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears ers ers….
You catch your breath and Ill catch your tears


Cause Baby it’s
It’s the bitter cold of winter and you shouldn’t be alone tonight
You catch your breath, and I’ll catch you tears.

 
     
September Minamora Joined Feb 21, 2009
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Jul 12, 2018, 04:48 PM

Hi September. Do you have a melody in mind for this? There’s a couple of lines that are written as if you did. (e.g. “Cause…Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii can see everything that fool couldn’t see”). It seems pretty wordy and not easy to fit a tune to, but if you already have one in mind, then that’s not an issue.

Personally, I’m not crazy about the words “I’ll catch your tears.” It doesn’t make sense to me. You might wipe or dry somebody’s tears, but catch them? In your hands? In a cup? Why wait for them to fall instead of drying her eyes? This might just be me overthinking it.

Also, what do you mean by a standup guy? Do you mean it postively as a guy who stands by his commitments, or are you alluding to him standing her up (not turning up for a date)?

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Jul 14, 2018, 08:00 PM

First let me say thank you for your response.

To answer your questions.

Yes I have a melody in mind. 

You catch your breath, Ill catch your tears, just a play on words.
I have actually had a good response people seem to get it.

This supposed great guy,
this Standup guy is sarcastic alluding to him standing her up.

 
     
September Minamora Joined Feb 21, 2009
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Jul 23, 2018, 07:52 PM

I received this response from someone I can’t tell who no name attached.
It said it came from the songwriters team, which I found hard to believe.
For years I have had a good experience with the songwriters forum and never felt belittled until this response.
I thought it was a bit harsh. Am I just being sensitive or could this have been a bit nicer and more constructive.
I guess I need to get a thicker skin. Here it is:

“The repeated lines would drive the average person

with a brain up the wall


The first verse makes the singer look like a mind reader


as he or her paints a picture of the strangers past


She or He could equally be suffering from a hangover

or Gout even a severe attack of the wind

The constant use of Baby makes the whole thing

reek of amature ”

 
     
September Minamora Joined Feb 21, 2009
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Jul 24, 2018, 10:08 AM

The moderators agreed that the tone of the critique, which was written by another SW101 member, was inappropriate so it was deleted.

As a reminder to all, please make sure that your comments are constructive and not just critical. We appreciate you adhering to these guidelines in order to be helpful and professional in your critiques. Thank you!

 
     
SW101 Moderator 2 Joined Jun 07, 2004
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Jul 24, 2018, 11:52 AM

Was there anything in the so called harsh critique that made you

wonder if your lyrical set up rang true ???


Repetition is important in Popular songs,  and of course it can

be too little or even too much

You are obviously a sensitive person and that in itself is a great asset

I would just like too ask one thing,  How could a stranger ( the singer)

in your lyric,  possibly know all those facts you stated about someone

he or she has never met before, 


If someone tells you I like this and fails to tell you why,  what good is that ? 

You asked for Feed Back and you obviously disagree with what you got

This person saw flaws but the fact that he or she answered , and they obviously saw

where the lyric could be improved, in their opinion;   

Was that not what you wanted ??? 


Was there anything in the critique that made you wonder if they had a few pointers

where you could improve ?? 

Best Wishes With Your Writing

 
     
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Peter Kristian Joined Jan 11, 2008
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