The Meeting/Hang on

 
       
 
Nov 29, 2018, 05:48 PM

I did see this person at a recovery meeting. I did not say anything. I wish I had.
It is short. It says what I have been thinking since that night.
Thanks y’all
Steve B

 

The Meeting/Hang on


VERSE 1
He was shaking in the corner
Staring at his feet
Barely hanging on
By the skin of his teeth

He was fighting the Demons
We all hear
That scream get me out’a here

CHORUS
And I wanted to say
You have nothing to fear
Just hang on my friend
Just hang on

VERSE 2
He looked like he was under attack
As the seconds clawed up his back
As he said bye to an ugly old friend
That he never wanted to see again

BRIDGE
I wanted to say you’ll be alright
Daylight always follows the night
Keep the faith and hang on tight
Just hang on my friend
Just hang on

VERSE 1 REPEAT
He was shaking in the corner
Staring at his feet
Barely hanging on
By the skin of his teeth

He was fighting the Demons
We all hear
That scream get me out’a here

CHORUS
And I wanted to say
You have nothing to fear
Just hang on my friend
Just hang on


Steven Bines/saker5 copyright 2018 all rights reserved

 
     
steven bines Joined Nov 01, 2007
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Dec 04, 2018, 09:20 PM

Hello Steven,

Nice write, vivid and raw, kudos.  After I read this lyric a couple of times, something in your introduction of the lyric, screamed at me, “I wish I had”  Have you considered using “I wish I’d said” as the first line of each chorus, and “I wish I’d said you’ll be alright” as the first line in the bridge?  Just a thought, Thank you for sharing, good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon,

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

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Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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Dec 05, 2018, 05:29 AM

Hi Steve. I agree with Deacon. I think if you change “I wanted to say” to something more active like “I wish I’d said” it would make the story more poignant. It would add another layer of meaning to the story. “I wish” communicates regret in a way that “I want” does not. We all have times we wished we’d acted differently or said something and done nothing. I think you’d draw the listener in more completely if you use I wish.
Jen

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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Dec 05, 2018, 05:00 PM

Deacon and Jenny:

Thanks for the comments.
Right on-great suggestion and points.
Changing it.

Been thinking it’s too short word wise but don’t feel more at this point.

Steve B

 
     
steven bines Joined Nov 01, 2007
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Dec 05, 2018, 05:38 PM

Hey Steve. No problem. Glad you found that helpful. Personally, I don’t think it needs more, but if you really want to extend the story, you could write another verse that gets to the heart of your silence and addresses those “words unsaid”—something like “I had walked in his shoes and knew how it felt, but my words were glued to the roof of my mouth” or, more personal like “His ugly old friend was my friend too….etc” and then ending the verse with a question, “Was it fear that kept my words unsaid?” or whatever question is relevant for the story.
Jen

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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