Stuck - Help - Urgent

Mar 09, 2010, 04:35 PM

Hi,

quiet a while ago, I think it was September 2009 was it, I posted a LYRIC and some of you guys were so kind to look over it and give me a feedback. If I remember correctly, the feedback was, that the lyric is OK. :) I cannot find the original strand right now. Ok, but now I have a little problem.. because I am working on a recording of this song and now one (german) guy said to me: “Hey man, this sucks. This ain´t got nothing to do with ENGLISH language at all.

So, I just wonna ask you - is here someone around who can look over the lyric AGAIN and tell me what exactly sucks? I tried to write a BEACH BOYS Tribute and to 99 % I used quotations from Beach Boys Songs. Sure, the chance that I messed it up is really HIGH because I have only little English.

So maybe .. Gary, JD, Tony and so on - honest people, would be lovely if you could have a quick look over the lyric, will you?
Thank you sooooo much. Because we are working on the recording right now and I don´t wonna make a mess :)

First American Band

God only knows to how many tunes
I´ve listend to in my room
The Songs about the summer
And the Surfer Moon
Made me cuddle up with a surfer girl
In the California Sand
I catched a wave while I fell in love to
The Rythem of a steel drum band

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
Along with three brothers
They made their Mama´s cry
With every single Song
Their story is over
But the music´s playing on

Verse:
Caroline my little girl
Oh, where did your long hair go?
You are no longer the sweet thing
That I used to know
I will pick you up in my 4-0-9
We cruise around the Hamburgrstands
Because everything is just fine
When we play “Do you wonna dance”

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
Along with three brothers
They made their Mama´s cry
With every single Song
Their story is over
But the music´s playing on

(Bridge – Instrumental)

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
Along with three brothers
They made their Mama´s cry
With every single Song
Their story is over
But the music´s playing on

Mar 09, 2010, 05:25 PM

Here’s a little tweaking Martin.

First American Band

God only knows how many tunes
I´ve listened to in my room
Songs of endless summer
And the Surfer Moon
Made me cuddle up with a surfer girl
In the California Sand
I caught a wave while I fell in love to
The rhythm of a steel drum band

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
With three brothers born
They made their Mamas cry
With every single song
Their story isn’t over
As long as their music plays on

Verse:
Caroline my little girl
Oh, where did your long hair go?
You are no longer the sweet thing
That I used to know
I will pick you up in my 4-0-9
We’ll cruise the hamburger stands
We’ll turn up the radio
And hear, “Do you wanna dance”

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
With three brothers born
They made their Mamas cry
With every single song
Their story isn’t over
As long as the music plays on

(Bridge – Instrumental)

One – Two – Three - Four

Chorus:
The First American Band
From Southern California
A Cousin and a Friend
With three brothers born
They made their Mamas cry
With every single song
Their story isn’t over
As long as the music plays on

Mar 10, 2010, 02:28 AM

Martin,
here’s you old thread:

http://www.songwriter101.com/forums/viewthread/73433/

Mar 10, 2010, 03:43 AM

@Gary: You are my hero :). Thank you sooo much

@Robert: Thank you… :)