She called me immigrant

Mar 11, 2010, 07:08 AM

I met this girl at the tube station
it was london bridge
we ‘re waiting to take the jubilee line
going to northgreenwich
she came close and stood by me
then she called me immigrant.

She was beautiful i must say
she was well dressed,
purple shirt and black pant
she was so cold,her eyes could pierce my skin
i was uncomfortable,so i put my face down
then she called me immigrant

She came then entered the train
at once with me
again she sat next to me
then i said hello
but she made face,rolled her eyes
and shrugged her shoulder
then she called me immigrant.

she called me immigrant
It was at london bridge
am sure ,she called me immigrant.

(c)faustina.A 2010

Mar 11, 2010, 07:09 AM

guys this one is based on true life story.I want it for a country /contemporary piece.

Mar 11, 2010, 04:29 PM

This is very heart-tugging and very real. With a little tweaking, it could be very good.
Cindy

Mar 11, 2010, 08:01 PM

‘’ Whoa…Faustina,,This is deep baby girl…hmmmmmmm’‘
....I;m really curious by the fact’‘That she wanted
to sit by you’‘not once but twice,.....hmmmmmm.
,’‘..It Seems like she was trying to bait
you into an unpleasant conversation…...
but you lowered your head because you was uncomfortable.
.do.you know how that makes me feel..Faustina…............
‘‘not too good’‘,,That;s what slaves used to do..no eye contact
..lowered theirs heads ....Whoa…I;m glad,,,,,,,,........
I wasn’t there with you,,,This sounds like’‘Apartheid.’‘. .Merci…
You did one thing right you killed her with kindness
lol..:):)...But no more lowering your heAd.. next time
and there prob will be a next time..’‘you hold eye contact
And when someone ;;hollers out at you again immigrant,,
you say..Yes I;m very proud of who I am..thanx you..and you
smile like it;s no tomorrow..:)

*****
I agree with Cindy You have the makings of a beautiful Piece..minor tweaks
you have good storytelling qualities that’s a big plus..:)

:)
See you in a few;o
Shirl;o

Mar 11, 2010, 09:35 PM

hmmmmm, you live in the Uk’‘...hmmmmmmm ‘‘LOndon?? tube station…’‘.

Mar 12, 2010, 11:11 PM

Faustina, very good story for your song, hope this happened a long time ago. But Shirley is right never look down, that could be a title of a song. Just need a few tweaks here and there.
God bless you
Elaine

Mar 12, 2010, 11:35 PM

Why did you look down, that’s a sign of weakness. I am sure you are not a weak person, take Shirley advice and NEVER LOOK DOWN Stare the suckers right in their face.

Mar 12, 2010, 11:36 PM

by the way good write, nice story line

Mar 13, 2010, 06:51 AM

thank you all ,lol i am never a weak person ,you know the story has to be spiced up.any suggestion on what tweaks to it.will appreciate that.

Elaine,nope it happened in this day and age.but remember its a story and has been twisted a bit to make sense of it.Lol.

Mar 13, 2010, 07:19 AM

lol.lol.lo..now Fustina…ah- that;s clever,,,,hmmmmmm…I;m thinking what in the
World is;;..Faustina, talking about Europe is very liberal about race relations
but I didn;t wanna offend you,,by saying this Sh—ain;t true…lol.lol…
,,girl I;m gonna have to call you tina ,,do you have a nickname??
I keep spelling your name wrong,,,lol’lo ;I wanted to send some
big eagel like birds out to peck that poor lady;s head…lol.lol

i;m sooooo glad it;s not true,It Was hard for
me to believe that you lower your head,,‘but
I say keep it;o..it could be like a;;/social
Awareness Piece,,it;s grass roots,,,
it;s a reminder to us all that;;
We shall not take ;; Certain liberties
for granted,,,,....
Thanx,,for writing this Piece Tina,,
until you tell me I don;t like Tina
that;s your new name..:)

SEE you in a few;o
it;s a joy talkin to
you,,
  Tina

Shirl;o

Mar 13, 2010, 07:25 AM

Shirl.thanks its funny what goes on in the head when you get a piece to put down.i have a nick name and (i dont like tina sorry)
you could call me Fauntee.thats what anyone thats close to me call me.i will tell u the meaning and origin in a PM.
LOL.

Mar 13, 2010, 08:15 AM

oh Yes !! I have had a lot of funny moments at this forum,,loll.and Writing Lyrics
suppose to be fun Adventurous, and challenging,:)..

lol.lol.lol.ol.lo. Whoa…I figure you might not like Tina,,:)..I like Fauntee sounds like ‘‘a movie star’s
Name..lol. It’s it pronounced like’‘found tee’.. hmmmmm.I can;t wait to hear the meaning of
the name Fauntee,,,:)..

take care
See you in a a few;o
Shirl;o

Mar 13, 2010, 08:27 AM

I really like this one.. Just a quick idea for a chorus.. do what you like with it . It is just an idea

I met this girl at the tube station
it was london bridge
we ‘re waiting to take the jubilee line
going to northgreenwich
she came close and stood by me
then she called me immigrant.

She was beautiful i must say
she was well dressed,
purple shirt and black pant
she was so cold,her eyes could pierce my skin
i was uncomfortable,so i put my face down
then she called me immigrant

Never look down
Never be ashamed
Wish I could have showed her
How I’m really made
Never look down
She’s not better than me
Should have stood proud
Never look down

She came then entered the train
at once with me
again she sat next to me
then i said hello
but she made a face,rolled her eyes
and shrugged her shoulder
then she called me immigrant.

Never look down
Never be ashamed
Wish I could have showed her
How I’m really made
Never look down
She’s not better than me
Should have stood proud
Never look down

she called me immigrant
It was at london bridge
am sure ,she called me immigrant.

Mar 13, 2010, 05:13 PM

Hey,Tom you have done wonders here.good.i will take the chorus like this:

i should never look down
i should have stood proud           (chorus)
never again look down,
never look down.

any thoughts here?

Mar 13, 2010, 05:33 PM

The fact that someone calls someone an imigrant shouldn’t even raise an eyebrow; 1/4 at least of all people in this country are imigrants…probably more; just a rough guestimate. No one has an issue with imigrants that I’m aware of—just ILLEGAL imigrants. 90% of all of us have ancestry from somewhere else, and our parents, grandparents or great grandparents imigrated here from elsewhere…legally. Only the Native Americans are indiginous to this country. I just don’t see the relevance to someone calling someone else an imigrant. My response would be…“So?”

JD

Mar 13, 2010, 05:49 PM

Well I think it was meant derogatory ... That is the way I read it anyway.. To me it is a universal word so   in this song instead of saying Italian grease ball it is just immigrant to make it universal..

Just my 2 cents