Broken Band of Gold

I really like this, I think this is really going to be one of the best places yet. I really need your opinion on this song, its a heart breaker, I need to see how you all feel about it. Please comment and let me know what you think.
Thanks                    
                            http://www.myspace.com/elainebrewersongwriter
Elaine

Do you have a “soundclick” page or a “songramp” page?

I have big problems when I go to “myspace”...
I only have a 56k modem… and can’t listen to music.

Bye!

Thanks Guy, I appreciate you trying. I am trying to fine another program I can put them on. Again Thanks
God Bless,
Elaine

In my point of view, the song is too slow, too long, to qiet and not really entertaining… for such a slow song you really need lyrics that tell a good story. That´s not the chase here.

Again I am wondering, who is the singer, the music writer and so on. The least you can do is to give credit to these people who work with you.

Martin, the reason I don’t say who the singer is or who is playing on the Demo is because, I don’t know it was a work for hire Paramount Group. But I will say they did it exsactly the way I wanted it done, I know if it had, had a full band I think you would have enjoyed it much better. I have been around for a while and I will tell you it is country, which a lot of people do not understand. However I think you for your comments and I do apreciate your take from the song.
Thanks Again,
God Bless,
Elaine

Hi Elaine,

I’m a little unclear about what kind of feedback you want, so I’ll just tell you what comes to mind for me.

First, I do think the music and the singing were great. Very good for what I assume is a demo that you want to pitch (or have pitched for you) to some Country artists. I may personally nit pick just a bit on a few very small points on the singer’s delivery or choice of inflection on some lines, but those little things may actually help when a song like this is pitched to an actual Country artist because she (probably a female artist, right?) may be able to see how she can really make the song HERS. The same thing goes for the fact that the music is stripped down with just a piano. I think that’s the way to go with this song because you’d think that an artist or producer would want to put their own stamp on your song. The space that’s left by doing it just with a piano likely opens up possibilities that an artist or producer would hear into your song.

I also really like the hook in the chorus (the title) “and all I got was this broken band of gold.”

Here’s my constructive criticism if you want it:

I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I’m not getting enough complexity and intensity of emotion from this song. With a killer line like “and all I got was this borken band of gold,” where’s the anger or disgust? I know it wouldn’t work in a commercially viable Country song, but I’m thinking to myself it should say “and all I got was this F#@%ing band of gold you piece of S#%@!”... Obviously you can’t say that, but I really think that’s the jist that needs to be conveyed in the performance somehow. I don’t mean that it has to be over the top, but the anger and depth of hurt and sadness could be conveyed better I think. I also think that some of your other lines and the words you choose in the verses could really help a performer flush out all those difficult emotions involved in infidelity and divorce.

Here’s a specific issue I had with the lyrics. You rhymed “gold” with “gold” in your chorus “you promised me that pot of gold, and all I got was this broken band of gold.” I’m just afraid that will hold this song back. Perhaps it’s not an issue for some people, but I do think that it really could be—especially because it’s your chorus. You want your chorus to soar, and I’m afraid that may turn people off of it. And honestly the idea of being promised a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow doesn’t sound all that meaningful to me anyway. I know it’s a metaphor for something great or a reward after a long difficult time, but it just doesn’t seem all that powerful in this instance. How about just saying it straight? “You promised to love, honor, and cherish my soul, but all I got was this broken band of gold.”

There are a few other things I’d suggest with the lyrics. If you’re interested, I can give you my feedback, but it’d be helpful if you’d write them out for me here.

Either way, I think you have a lot of talent and I wish you luck with this song and the rest of your catalogue.

D

@Elaine: Ohhhh, OK, I am sorry, I did not know that. :). It was a work from paramount… OKOK :). But you can point this out somewhere, otherwise people think it was you who wrote the music or it was you who sang the song. Please don´t get me wrong. But we had those problems here before. Someone posted a song and did not say a word and the folks only said: “Wow, you voice is great”.. but it was a unknown singer. So this is not sooo helpful for the feedback, is it?

You want to have feedback on the song in general and your lyrics, when we say: “Wow, Elaine, you wrote great music to this and you sang it excellent” it won´t be of any help for you. That´s why it is important to point out who did what (even when it´s a company).

But it´s from Paramount: That explains why the song sounds like the melody was used before for another song..

Derek, Thanks for the feed back it helps a lot. The arrangement on the music was done by Paramount Group, and the singer I don’t know.
I appreciate all the the comments. I will tell you when I wrote this it’s about a hurt of the heart there is no anger only hurt. And the part of the rainbow is he promised her that a pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow.
Thanks Again and God Bless

Martin G. , thank you for helping me straighting that out. I only did a few from Paramount the others are friends, after the AJ Siegler deal I am very leary. I do, do some of the arrangement and I do sing at times. I used to do a lot of Patsy Cline, I’m really getting older so I don’t do much singing now. I will let you know from now on who is doing what. Dave Smith and I do a lot he a very good singer.
Thanks Again,
God Bless,
Elaine

Elaine Brewer - 16 September 2010 08:50 PM

Derek, Thanks for the feed back it helps a lot. The arrangement on the music was done by Paramount Group, and the singer I don’t know.
I appreciate all the the comments. I will tell you when I wrote this it’s about a hurt of the heart there is no anger only hurt. And the part of the rainbow is he promised her that a pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow.
Thanks Again and God Bless
Elaine

Hi Elaine,

You’re welcome for the feedback, and I’m glad you see it as helping.

You certainly don’t have to respond to this, but why “no anger only hurt?” That doesn’t make much sense to me. And honestly in my opinion, your line “you promised me that pot of gold, and all I got is this broken band of gold” doesn’t seem like the kind of line that purely or deeply expresses hurt. It just honestly doesn’t break my heart. Like I said, I understand the pot of gold is a metaphore for some sort of pay off or reward after a long hard journey, but being promised a pot of gold doesn’t really sound all that meaningful or deeply resonating with me and my spouse. That’s just my opinion.

The broken band of gold is a great image, and the point of course is that it’s essentially worthless, right? All the hard work, and trust, and love, and building a life together… all pointless… all I got was this broken band of gold. THAT’s heartbreaking… say THAT… talk about the hard work and the trust and the love and the dreams of making a beautiful life for your children… dashed away… all just a meaningless illusion… and now all I got is this broken band of gold. You know what I’m saying? Being promised a “pot of gold” just doesn’t say it deeply enough for me.

Anger is a perfectly reasonable and appropriate emotion in the context of infidelity. Hurt and sadness and disappointment too… of course… but I’m afraid that if you don’t acknowledge the anger that’s there too, this song will end up kind of flat. If you’re not at all angry, then I think you need to explain that to your audience. Because if you don’t, I think it will stand out as a glaring inadequacy. Take your audience through whatever logic or reasoning or experience it took to get where it makes sense not to feel any anger. Do you know what I’m saying? Are you a saint? Or are you holding back?

Derek, sorry took so long, my mom been really sick and I have been back and forth to K.C. I really will work on this song and will let you hear it when it’s done thank again,
God Bless,
Elaine

Derek, sorry took so long, my mom been really sick and I have been back and forth to K.C. I really will work on this song and will let you hear it when it’s done thank again,
God Bless,
Elaine

Elaine,

I’m very sorry to hear that your mom is sick. I think everyone’s mom is important and special to them, but I can tell that for you it is especially so from how prominently you include her influence on you in your bio on your website.

I wish you peace.

Take care of yourself,
Derek