Two Shots

It’ short but to the point..  Any thought??

Two Shots

I’m sittin’ here in the dark with a bottle of wine.
I left work early n’ headed for home
The surprise was mine when I found you not alone.
But guess who has the last laugh this time.

Now I’m sittin’ here with a bottle of Merlot
A lit cigarette in my left hand.
Blue steel in the other, contemplating if I can.
I just can’t believe this, and in our own home.

Do I pull the trigger before the law arrives?
I hear the sirens, I’m sure those two shots were heard
There’s no way I’m leavin here alive
There’s nothin you could a said, not one little word
By the time they get here I’ll be dead
These two ticket’s n’ the wine
They were a surprise.

I can hear em’ getting closer, haven’t much time
As I sit here with my finger on the trigger
I’m thinkin maybe I need some stronger liquor.
You can’t imagine what’s goin through my mind

Half a bottle of JB ought a do the trick
Siren’s gettin louder, they’re gettin closer.
Liquor’s makin my finger feel a little looser.
The thought of what I walked in on makes me sick

Do I pull the trigger before the law arrives?
The siren’s have stopped they’re in the drive
There’s nothin you could do, nothing you could a said.
Before they get through the door, I’ll be dead.
And today was gonna be a surprise
Only two shots left, one in the bottle
And one for my head.
Only two shots left, one in the bottle
And one for my head.

Bill Kahney (WMFK)  4/30/2012   ©

Oh Wow ! Some good writing.  Your two shots definition was pretty dynamic.  I’ve given up suggesting people might want to tweak their lyrics because I really don’t know what music they have rolling around their heads.  So with that said, the emotions are pretty darn strong.

Hey Bill,

After that fantatsic write I am your biggest fan. You’ve got big time talent-I love it!!!!!

Tony

Oh man! I don’t know what to say with comments like these! Thank you very very much! I love that you all like / love it!
Susie, Your right about the music rollin in my head when I write. But unforntunety I don’t know how to read or write music an so it goes as all the rest. It disappears. I still have an idea what it should sound like but thats about it. Maybe I should learn to write/read music and maybe the guitar. But I work 70 to 90 hours a week. makes it a bit difficult.

Thanks again for the wonderful comments!!!

Bill

Bill you pulled me right in I was right there, very strong words very emotional great job. I only have one little problem with it, I wished I had written it. Like I said great great job.
God Bless
Elaine

Thanks Elaine! I really didn’t expect so many great comments. it’s short and it only took a few minutes to write. I’m really amazed on how many people like it so much.

Bill

Hello all. I’ve posted this lyric and two others in the lyrical challenge. If you haven’t gottren into it your self and you like what I’ve written please visit and give a vote. Thanks to all and good luck to all that have entered! Also feel free to look me up on FB. Btw This one is posted but not there yet in the library. I think you can only vote once so if this is the one please wait till is posts.

Thanks Bill

Hi bill
COMPELLING,EMOTIONAL and DIRECT with so many strong words that paint a picture.I enjoyed the read bill.
Thanks
Paul.

Thanks again! Here’s another one from the past. Glad you liked it. this on started as a writing project. start writing about what you are doing at the moment, which was sittin down with a glass of wine and a smoke. it just took off from there. I really didn’t think it would get the response that it did.

Bill

It’s a good story Bill, a great theme too. maybe a little too strong in content in some quarters for commercial appeal.
Perhaps in the last verse you could say something like ;

Only two shots left, one in the bottle
And one for my head.
Though I wont give her the satisfaction
  of me ending up dead
  I’m out of here, tomorrow I’ll burn that cheating bed
Best of luck with it
John

Thanks John;
Think I’m gonna keep the way it is though, Unless someone really wants to do something with it, this was really just a writing project. I was surprised as hell it got the interest that it did.

Thanks again;
Bill

Hi Bill,

Good Write,but—

The last four lines are far too strong.  If you read the work of Harry Chapin for

example SNIPER you will see the subtle way he handles such a cruel act .

He shoots a local lady and says I Quote   “Reality Was Pouring From Her Face”

He keeps figurative language to a minimum.  The conversation is his metaphor for

the snipers one sided dialogue of violence with a world of strangers.  “Words” and

questions are the well aimed bullets reaching their targets.Powerfully Clear.

The pronouns are in place , personalizing the agony of indifference ,rejection, supplication.

“Please Hug me”  I said, , but she just sat there , with that same flat stare, that she saves

for me alone when I’m home .

It’s a masterpiece of writing, if you want to write about The Gorey side of life Chapin

is the guy who’s work needs studying.

its about time, finally a new holiday song…you should have made em’ eat fruitcake at gun point…

Lonnie Van Tweedle - 10 November 2012 06:39 AM

Hi Bill,

Good Write,but—

The last four lines are far too strong.  If you read the work of Harry Chapin for

example SNIPER you will see the subtle way he handles such a cruel act .

He shoots a local lady and says I Quote   “Reality Was Pouring From Her Face”

He keeps figurative language to a minimum.  The conversation is his metaphor for

the snipers one sided dialogue of violence with a world of strangers.  “Words” and

questions are the well aimed bullets reaching their targets.Powerfully Clear.

The pronouns are in place , personalizing the agony of indifference ,rejection, supplication.

“Please Hug me”  I said, , but she just sat there , with that same flat stare, that she saves

for me alone when I’m home .

It’s a masterpiece of writing, if you want to write about The Gorey side of life Chapin

is the guy who’s work needs studying.

Lonnie,
I’m fairly familiar with Harry Chapin’s music. What song are you referring to? Is it called Sniper? I’ll look it up, that’s not one I know. He is (was) One of America’s greatest story tellers!!  I gather from your response here you like lyric. I know it’s a strong ending but It was intended to be just that. Same as Garth Brooks version of Thunder Roll’s. that version they never play on the radio in the last verse where she goes to get the gun from the night stand drawer. As far as I know it’s only on the live album. Btw have you had the chance to go over some of the stuff that I sent to you a while back?? What are your thought’s on those?? This may have been one of them, I don’t remember.  Thanks for the input!!
Bill

dennis dawe - 10 November 2012 10:21 AM

its about time, finally a new holiday song…you should have made em’ eat fruitcake at gun point…

Ha ha Holiday song! maybe we can work it in eith the tune of Jingle Bell’s

Thanks;
Bill