Apr 19, 2017, 06:28 AM

Hey guys,

I have a song called “Killer” and would love some feedback. It’s a fun little ditty!

Thanks so much!

I’m getting kind of wasted looking at you
Won’t you take me up to your hotel room
We can have some fun not knowing me and you
So let’s give it a run give me 4, 3, 2…
(one, one, one)
Now we can keep it classy if you really want to
Or we can f*ck around if you’re feeling in the mood
baby sit down in this chair and let me blindfold you
Now don’t you peak
I’m a freak like you
Didn’t your mama tell you not to trust strangers?
Especially strange men who are looking at you
With a drink in their hand
This was a bad idea but it could have been worse
I’m not gonna hurt you—But I’m taking your purse
Cuz I’m not a killer
I’m just a bad bad boy
Currently unemployed
So I gotta do what I gotta do
But I’m not a killer
I just take what I need to take
And I make sure to mind my P’s and Q’s
I apologize and thank you
I’m not a killer
You’re smoking a cigar walking in NoBu Malibu
I’m looking at your car dipped in that baby blue
You know that color would go perfect with my Golden Goose shoes
I’m making me a plan gimme 4,3,2
(give me one, give me one)
I approach with a smile “Hello sir, how are you?”
“Leave the keys in the car i’ll park it safely for you”
I sense a hesitation for a second or two
But he gives me a nod and I tell him “Thank you”
Now didn’t your daddy tell you always trust your gut?
Listen to your belly cuz it knows what’s what
It’s super f*cking telling
It said “bad idea”, did you listen? No.
But it’s ok…you can Uber home.
Chorus repeats

Micky Joined May 04, 2016
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Apr 19, 2017, 08:37 AM

I like the storyline. Love the ‘purse’ joke. But I listened twice and can’t understand much as it is sung. The lines are long and sung fast. Not every word gets the enunciation to deliver it to my ear. Practice could alleviate that.

The Intro. is short. That’s good, under the rule: “Don’t bore us! Get to the Chorus!” There are some vocal sounds in the Introductory Movement I can’t understand, so I wondered if I was missing the beginning of the Lyric. Then the Lyric as written starts and I hear the first line but don’t understand it. I get the second line. The words are clipped and each gets its space, communicating to me. Third line; I can’t understand. There are some obscenities I missed totally in listening. Surely those should have gotten to my ear. Radio can’t play them though.

The first two lines of the Chorus work well. The third, I miss. Missing too many words and whole lines, I don’t get the story. After listening twice I went to the Lyric and read it. You may have words in some lines that clutter it up and could be left out, giving space to other words to ensure they make the delivery to the listeners’ ears.

Your voice drops off in volume on some words, especially strategic last-word Rhyme-Lines. That keeps me from getting the story too.

It may be cluttered with backing vocals. They make it blurry so the solo voice is buried, again, keeping me from knowing what words I’m hearing.

It’s a fun and clever ‘movie’ but, without getting the words I can’t ‘see’ it.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you?

Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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Apr 19, 2017, 02:55 PM

Hi Micky,

Really, it’s a fun song, I love the storyline… I’ve sent you PM.


Nelly Tharwhat

Nelly Tharwhat Joined Sep 24, 2012
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Apr 20, 2017, 06:11 PM

Love it. Just a really fun song with a very catchy chorus.

Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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May 11, 2017, 04:47 AM
Gavin Sinclair - 20 April 2017 06:11 PM

Love it. Just a really fun song with a very catchy chorus.

Thank you!!

Micky Joined May 04, 2016
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