REGRET

 
       
 
May 09, 2017, 12:19 PM

[VERSE 1]
I was young and we were adventurous
Late night dinners, late night texts
Ah yeah
When you were upset and so serious
I woke up to understand you in depths
Ah yeah
But you’d dumped me
(Well don’t get me wrong)

[CHORUS]
Darling, are you dating another guy?
Darling, so you allowed someone to touch you?
Sweetheart, so you can really do this to me?
But don’t worry babe
I’ll make you REGRET it

[DROP]
I’ll make you regret it
[DROP]
Yeah, you’ll really regret it


[VERSE 2]
I was honest and so polite
Listened to your crap every day and night
Ah yeah
I came over whenever you invite
You controlled me in direction of your kite
Ah yeah
But you dumped me
(Well don’t get me wrong)

[CHORUS]
Darling, are you dating another guy?
Darling, so you allowed someone to touch you?
Sweetheart, so you can really do this to me?
But don’t worry babe
I’ll make you REGRET it

[DROP]
I’ll make you regret it
[DROP]
Yeah, you’ll really regret it

SONG LYRICS: JAWAD SOOMRO
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Jawad Soomro Joined May 09, 2017
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May 09, 2017, 01:05 PM

Good structure. You might add a bridge.

About the topic:
What will you do to make her regret?
Kill her? Steal something from her? Intimidate?

Does she have the right to dump you?
Is she free to choose who she wants to love or is she your possession?

You might add forgiveness in this song.

Any melody?

 
     
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Guy E. Trépanier Joined Dec 05, 2005
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May 12, 2017, 10:21 PM

Hello Jawad. Welcome to SW101. I’d like to give you a woman’s perspective on your lyrics. I agree with Guy. I think it’s a good structure, but I’ll be honest, the tone of the lyrics gave me the shivers. As a girl, I’d much rather that you make her regret leaving you because she will come to realize that you’re the better man. I’m absolutely not talking about making the lyrics sweet…just less aggressive.

I think the coolest thing about your song is the way you use questions in your chorus. Very clever. Look forward to seeing some more of your work.

Jen

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQCYB0H83cE0nC7qpe_lbXA

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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May 14, 2017, 01:51 PM

Very astute Jenny. Most songwriters suffer from what I refer to as “SONGWRITER’S TUNNEL VISION SYNDROME” It is when songwriters KNOW in their own mind exactly what they are talking about and how they are saying it. The only problem is, that they don’t REALIZE HOW IT COMES OFF TO OTHER PEOPLE. It’s one of the things you have to learn as you grow as a writer, that if something can be taken wrong, IT WILL BE.

I see it a good deal, where people are venting anger, bitterness, and frustration, into music and come off sounding like a serial killer. This is more or less the OJ Simpson song, sitting outside the house, waiting for his chance to stick a knife in his ex wife’s throat.

I’m sure that Jawad didn’t mean it that way, but in this era of HYPERSENSITIVITY, what seems like just a simple venting excercise, can come off as a micro aggression or somewhat dangerous, very easily.

Jawad, a way to keep this from being quite so disturbing, is to do it THIRD PERSON.

“When they were young and adventurous,” etc. and you change those lyrics to being a narrator instead of it happening to YOU.

Then you can put it back on the guy, “Now all HE does is REGRET IT.”

That way you can make it a little more reflective and not quite so angry.

Unless you want to MEAN it ANGRY. That is your call. But don’t be surprised if other people make a call too. I’ve seen a couple of writers being committed for therapy due to some things they have written. People take a lot of this MUCH more seriously these days. Lots of lunatics out there. Got to make sure you don’t get confused for one.

MAB

 
     
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Marc-Alan Barnette Joined Jul 29, 2010
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May 14, 2017, 07:50 PM

Hey Marc. My comment was more about my genuine response than my being particularly astute (but thanks for thinking so, MAB). For a woman, male aggression is terrifying (unless you’re some karate prodigy). That’s 50% of your potential audience being made to feel vulnerable. I think there is much to applaud in these lyrics and they are worth spending some time to get right. I think your suggestion to make the focus “Now all HE does is REGRET IT” could be a really good direction to take the lyrics. If it was written in the third person, like you suggest, and the guy did his aggressive “I’ll make you REGRET it” thing, he could then regret being so rash so, “Now all HE does is REGRET IT” to kind of take the song full circle. Works for me. Good idea   :)

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQCYB0H83cE0nC7qpe_lbXA

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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May 15, 2017, 02:26 PM

Jenny,

There is a reason music is marketed to WOMEN. They comprise 70 PERCENT of the audience. One of the things so many writers and artists miss is they are writing songs from a position of anger, bitterness, frustration, and are one giant ball of ticked off. Now this is fine if you are only writing for yourself. But if you are trying to SHARE that with other people, they are not interested in YOUR PAIN. They are interested in THEIR pain.

Almost every woman in the world has had some form of intimidation. It can be bullying as children or even further, dates that didn’t work out, stalkers, rapists, every kind of nere’ do well, in existence. If they are attractive, they have the full court press put on them, often by people they have to deal with to get jobs, advancement, etc. So they are very on their guard against aggression. And people who write these kinds of “You’ll pay for what you have done to me” songs bring a real undercurrent that scares the stuff out of most people, especially women. So you’re general feeling is correct.

Amateur writers will write whatever they want. It is therapy and self education. But the second they desire that OTHER people hear what they do, they have to start thinking about writing what LISTENERS want to hear. That is the difference between amateurs and professionals.

Hopefully Jawad, and other writers on these and other pages, will see that and start seeing their work as their intended audience see it. Then they will make changes or not. I’ve yet to meet anyone that wants to be the best writer in their living room. But that is where a majority of writers, artists and the like are destined to stay.

MAB

 
     
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Marc-Alan Barnette Joined Jul 29, 2010
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May 16, 2017, 02:37 AM

.....“they have to start thinking about writing what listeners want to hear…”... kind of depends. Pain you´ve experienced youself is the same pain, that other people might have experienced as well. So it is possible to write about “your pain” and make the audience believe, you write/sing about theirs…

I don´t know if you are familiar with Irish Singer/Songwriters… Damien Rice. The first Albums he did were all about HIS love for his girlfriend Lisa. But when I listen to his Songs, it feels like he is singing about MY love.

After Damien and Lisa split up,  all his Songs are still about her…..but it feels like, he is singing about MINE lost love…

So I can relate to this, as a listener…

...every once in a while, I get in the mood or so…and start to play..

http://www.songcycle.org

 
     
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Martin G Joined May 27, 2009
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May 16, 2017, 08:13 AM

Martin,

I’m not familiar with really any Irish singers, it is not in my perview. But I deal with people who are involved with them. A week ago I did a mentoring day with a 75 year old minister from Liverpool and he shared some of the music from over there. It is a different country and much of Celtic and Irish music are filled with visions of depression and a lot of downer material. But if he made you feel like he was writing about YOUR relationship, that is actually THE point of music. To make the listeners feel that the singer is singing about THEM. That is fine.

What I am referring to here is the TONE of this song and Jenny’s response to it. Because I deal with it a lot in Nashville with writers and artists who bring in very depressing and in some cases alarming sounding music. Jenny’s reaction to these lyrics were very typical of women. It gives them the creeps when a man is talking about how they are going to regret dumping them. My point to Jawad is that if he wants to do music, he should be aware of that reaction. Doesn’t mean he has to change anything, he can write whatever he wants however he wants. But the majority of music is MARKETED to women. So being aware of their reactions is a pretty big deal as we move forward.

MAB

 
     
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Marc-Alan Barnette Joined Jul 29, 2010
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May 18, 2017, 10:26 PM

we were young and adventurous
up all night and sexy texts
Ah yeah
but when we got too serious
you couldn’t handle the depths
Ah yeah
baby, you’re losing me….
(Well don’t get me wrong)

[CHORUS]
darling, is there someone else?
baby, do you need his touch?
sweetheart, are you thinking of me?
honey, is that regret too much?
yea, you already know…......
you’re losing me…

[DROP]
you’re gonna’ regret it
[DROP]
Yeah, you’re gonna’ regret it

[VERSE 2]
perhaps I’m honest and too polite
just smiling at your lies day and night
Ah yeah
I’ll never refuse your invitation
I’m not confused by inclination
Ah yeah
But, you’re losing me…
(Well don’t get me wrong)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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May 19, 2017, 02:27 AM

Nice redirect of the tone, Tony. Does it for me. What do you think of all this, Jawad?

Jen

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQCYB0H83cE0nC7qpe_lbXA

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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May 20, 2017, 11:11 AM

Much better. At least now she doesn’t have to swear out a restraining order on you.

 
     
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Marc-Alan Barnette Joined Jul 29, 2010
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