Lodestar (about a person who’s one’s spiritual guide and center…

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Jul 02, 2017, 12:22 AM

Probably the simplest, most direct lyric I’ve written:

LODESTAR Joel Fass © 2017 Exemplar (ASCAP)

When life looks dark, from every view
I am so grateful for having you
When I’ve no direction, no hope in view
My thoughts return—-return to you

You are my lodestar, my spirit’s center
When things look grey—-you turn them magenta
You’re illumination, when my world goes black
I need only look up, and the light comes back

Lodestar, stay there—-on high
Don’t take love’s light away
Keep it for me in the sky

We all need to get home—-after drifting far
But I’m never really lost—-with you, my lodestar

[ Edited: 02 July 2017 01:11 AM by joel fass]

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 02, 2017, 07:07 AM

Joel - Nice direct lyric indeed!  Couple of comments or ideas to think about - In the first two verses you present the Lodestar as a constant - someone always there when needed, but then in the third section (chorus or bridge?) you say “Don’t take love’s light away”. My questions is - is there a risk of losing your lodestar?  if so, that might be some lyrical territory you could explore for this song.  Also - is there significance to tcolor magenta? it seems like just a forced rhyme to go with “center”.

Good luck,
CJ Walter

 
     
Chris Walter Joined Jun 24, 2017
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Jul 02, 2017, 09:17 AM
Chris Walter - 02 July 2017 07:07 AM

Joel - Nice direct lyric indeed!  Couple of comments or ideas to think about - In the first two verses you present the Lodestar as a constant - someone always there when needed, but then in the third section (chorus or bridge?) you say “Don’t take love’s light away”. My questions is - is there a risk of losing your lodestar?  if so, that might be some lyrical territory you could explore for this song.  Also - is there significance to tcolor magenta? it seems like just a forced rhyme to go with “center”.

Good luck,
CJ Walter

Uh huh.

Well, as to your 1st point: Everyone has doubts, don’t we? I wasn’t over-analyzing, just writing, and it came quickly. It’s been my experience that some of my best work happens this way—-including the instrumentals I wrote for many years before I ever wrote a single word down.

Magenta: I was thinking it was yellow, b/c I got mixed up and ordered a magenta cartridge for my printer—-when I really needed a yellow! Guess I still got it screwed up. When I realized this after I wrote it, I looked up magenta: it’s a bright red. That still works, I buy it as a color preferable to grey. And, like I said, it was done on the fly. The whole thing couldn’t have taken more than 20 minutes, including consulting an online rhyming dictionary.

I appreciate your comments, but my gut says ‘Nah, leave it alone. It works’. That’s what I think I’ll do—-though I’ll listen to what others say…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 02, 2017, 09:23 AM

The only thing that bothers me: ‘My spirit’s center…’. The adjacent s/c may not ‘sing’ that well. Hard to hear ‘em both. (It was originally ‘My spiritUAL center’, but the latter is way smoother rhythmically.

Hmm…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 01:19 AM

....And I worked all night to compose a fitting melody and changes. Pretty darn satisfied.

I’ll post the lead sheet when I get a scanner that works…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 03:31 AM

OK, ‘magenta’ walked the plank. Rewrite:


LODESTAR Joel Fass © 2017 Exemplar (ASCAP)

When life looks dark, from every view
I am so grateful for having you
When I’ve no direction, left to pursue
My thoughts return—-return to you

You are my lodestar, my spirit you restore
When things seem dreary—-you make me cheery once more
You’re illumination, when my world is black
I’ve only to look up, and the light comes back

Lodestar, stay there—-on high
Don’t take love’s light away, keep it for me there
Up in the sky

We all need to get back home—-after drifting far
But I’m never really lost—-with you, lodestar

[ Edited: 05 July 2017 11:23 PM by joel fass]

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:04 AM

If I may suggest a slight change as to remove repetition in one line?

I would change

“When life looks dark, from every view
I am so grateful for having you
When I’ve no direction, no hope in view
My thoughts return—-return to you”

into

“When life looks dark, from every view
I am so grateful for having you
When I’ve no direction left to pursue
My thoughts return—-return to you”

keeping the amount of syllables but avoiding repeating “view”.

It also feeds on the underlying “movement” theme you have going on (direction, world goes black, light comes back, need to get home after drifting far). I tried to keep the despair of “no hope in view” with it as well.

Cheers!

(Also sorry if I made any formatting mistakes or such, this is my first contribution since registering, been lurking for a bit and am still getting used to this site)

[ Edited: 04 July 2017 05:08 AM by Harleyquincey]

“The truth is hard to swallow if you’re choking on your pride”

 
     
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Harleyquincey Joined Jun 26, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:09 AM

Uh huh. OK, mebbe. Thanks…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:12 AM

On 2nd thought, the repetition is cool, doesn’t bother me. It’s a pattern, and that’s OK. Thanks, though…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:14 AM

On 3rd thought…

Ha ha…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:16 AM

‘Underlying movement theme’.

Did I DO all that? LOL…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 05:20 AM

OK, you’re right. I changed it, and will give you credit if you’d like…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 04, 2017, 06:27 PM

I like how your thought process is pretty much the same I had when I read the lyrics :)

Glad you enjoyed the suggestion and sure, feel free to credit me, it’s appreciated (but not necessary, seeing as this was such a minor change).

Cheers!

“The truth is hard to swallow if you’re choking on your pride”

 
     
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Harleyquincey Joined Jun 26, 2017
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Jul 05, 2017, 08:41 AM

Life in this dark and dreary gloom
Would be so pointless without you
Spun in the night’s distorted view
My thoughts return — always to you

Restore my spirit, my guiding lodestar
Light my way, shine bright once more
Keep me on course when my days turn grey
Promise your light won’t lead me astray

just messing around again joel, keep or sweep….
give us a sample! :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Jul 05, 2017, 10:02 AM
JAPOV - 05 July 2017 08:41 AM

Life in this dark and dreary gloom
Would be so pointless without you
Spun in the night’s distorted view
My thoughts return — always to you

Restore my spirit, my guiding lodestar
Light my way, shine bright once more
Keep me on course when my days turn grey
Promise your light won’t lead me astray

just messing around again joel, keep or sweep….
give us a sample! :)

Funny, my friend Steve always tells me my lyrics are ‘dark’. Wonder what he’s say about THIS? Might have apoplexy. LOL…

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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Jul 17, 2017, 05:01 PM

Here’s the sheet music (it’s a ballad), ladies and gents:

(Won’t upload here, here’s a link to another forum where it could——scroll to bottom, please):

http://www.thesongwritersforum.com/forum/view_topic.php?id=13620&forum_id=18

‘Charlie Christian got me in a world of trouble’—-me

 
     
joel fass Joined Jun 03, 2017
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