Right Thing - Rock Song

 
       
 
Jul 16, 2017, 06:35 AM

Hi,

Rebooted a dormant song from 3 years ago.  I’m a better song writer, arranger, mixer and musician now, so I decided to have another go at it.  Plus, I wanted to really play the solo instead of using Shredder 2!

Feedback welcome:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/right-thing-v1

JONATHAN LINTON – THE RIGHT THING
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

Circumstance is so unkind
The wrong place at the right time
You know it all, you’re intertwined
A moral decision consumes your mind
Those that know, got you in their sight
No escape from the helpless plight
Angel on the left shoulder, devil on right
Damned if you’re wrong, damned if you’re right

Good deeds didn’t prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence lost, the ultimate sin
The path of light won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do

High in their pulpit they preach to us
Holy then thou, in their words we trust
And then they’re caught in a boyish lust
Hushed by the leaders, it’s so unjust
How can they judge, how can they condemn
Self preservation’s built in all men
They’d do the same if it happened to them
Moral decision won’t help you then

Good deeds didn’t prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence lost, the ultimate sin
The path of light won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do

Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Urrrghhh!

 
     
Jonathan Linton Joined Jul 20, 2014
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Jul 18, 2017, 09:34 AM

Something weird goes on in that Introductory Movement with the bass. Since you don’t dwell there it might work, serving the function of supplying ‘hook factor’ to get me listening.

The Lyric is a lot of abstract concept. That may be hard to ‘get’, to follow along, as opposed to a Story-Song with Characters interacting. The slight sustain of notes at the ends of lines may obscure word-meanings. They might work better if clipped short.

The eight-line First Verse gets the job done in time for the Chorus to come in about 51 seconds in (if I recall). That’s good timing. But making the Chorus eight lines too seems too long. The function of the Chorus is to make the point, to deliver the punch line. Try getting to the title, THE Hook, and doing whatever repeats you do right there, without the ‘dark side, innocence lost,’ and ‘path of light’ lines. See how that works. That would keep the Chorus short and drive home THE Hook without delay and the distraction of more abstract philosophical concepts. Those lines essentially repeat the ideas in the first three lines of the Chorus anyway. You can try it and see what you think. This could shorten the overall time, making it even more radio-friendly. Or, giving more space for that ending, which has some nice guitar and percussive stuff. I especially like the ‘percussive’ effect of the guitar which seems to repeat the cadence of THE Hook, ‘Sometimes the right’, and then goes on to jam. I often notice guitar solos that play fine, in key, but are totally different than the beats and riffs of the vocals and the rest of the arrangement. Relevance to the rest of the Song seems to make solos more interesting.

JONATHAN LINTON – THE RIGHT THING’S THE WRONG THING (Title more intriguing?)
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

Circumstance is so unkind
The wrong place at the right time
You know it all, you’re intertwined (This ‘you’ comes across as the ‘collective you’, not another character to whom the Singer-Character is speaking. That’s what makes it philosophical, abstract. It still has conversational qualities though.)
A moral decision consumes your mind
Those that know, got you in their sight
No escape from the helpless plight
Angel on the left shoulder, devil on right
Damned if you’re wrong, damned if you’re right

Good deeds didn’t prepare you for this (didn’t or don’t?)
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though (though or through?)
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in (Here’s where you could shorten the Chorus)
Innocence lost, the ultimate sin
The path of light won’t pull you though
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do

High in their pulpit they preach to us
Holy then thou, in their words we trust (Holy or Holier?)(then or than?)
And then they’re caught in a boyish lust (Delete ‘And’? Then they get caught in..)
Hushed by the leaders, it’s so unjust
How can they judge, how can they condemn
Self preservation’s built in all men
They’d do the same if it happened to them
Moral decision won’t help you then

Good deeds don’t prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Sometimes The Right Thing’s The Wrong Thing to do
Urrrghhh!

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? http://www.garyeandrews.com

 
     
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Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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