Hi everyone - new to the forum

 
       
 
Aug 01, 2017, 05:44 PM

Hello ALL: just starting out trying to compose some lyrics. I always get ideas and decided to start jotting them down. Would really like some feedback on my first attempt, though I don’t know what genre it would fit. Thanks.


You’re so hard to be around
and my heart pounds with emotions
Whenever I hear the sound of your voice

It’s hurting me so badly you know it
That I simply can’t have you
And it’s the only thing I know now to be true

CHORUS
I have to hold you tight and hold you right
Feel your skin, soft and kind
Breathe the perfume you spray on everywhere
While I pray to God
and hope he sees
I love you honey and I’m on my knees
Now my only wish
Is he brings you back to me

But have we lost our minds
Did we come all this way for nothing
Did we fool ourselves into believing
That what we had was honest and loving

We may not have had much money
The laughter few and far between
But remember the love baby
and the pleasures that we’ve seen

CHORUS

So when the stars come out to play
And you’re gazing at a moon so bright
If you’re searching the heavens for something
Not knowing the reasons why

And even though we may be far apart
Or you’re with someone else at night
Our eyes will come together
To the exact same spots of light

Chorus

 
     
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scott driver Joined Aug 01, 2017
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Aug 02, 2017, 05:04 PM

Welcome, Scott Driver, to the campus of Songwriter101. Why don’t you drive this over to the Lyrics Library forum and repost it there. We have sticks and clubs over there to beat it with, pitchforks to stab it, and torches but mom won’t let us bring them in the house so torchbearers will just stand around outside murmuring tips about Songwriting.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? http://www.garyeandrews.com

 
     
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Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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Aug 02, 2017, 05:51 PM

Thanks Gary for the guidance. I was really looking to find out how to structure the lyrics of the song. Stumbled upon the site by chance. Its brilliant!

 
     
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scott driver Joined Aug 01, 2017
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Aug 02, 2017, 06:48 PM

Yes, the structure is inconsistent. Two 3-line stanzas, could be designated as two Verses, or possibly two segments of one Verse. Melodic differences between the two, also implied by syllable-count variations, could make it the latter.

Then the Chorus, which doesn’t seem to have a summary line I can clearly identify as the main idea, the gist of the storyline.

Then two 4-line stanzas. That definitely means the Melody to which they are sung will not match the two 3-line stanzas. Listeners may be confused if they’re hearing three different Melodies, 3-line, Chorus, 4-line, all in a row. Songs usually have a structure that repeats. Listeners ‘learn’ the Melody the first time they hear it, and recognize it when it repeats. If it doesn’t repeat it means the Melody meanders without recognizable structure, and listeners get lost.

The storyline introduces the Singer-Character, conversing directly with the Love-Interest Character in a personal relationship. The Chorus has 3 lines of lust and then a prayer to God. That seemed like an abrupt transition. No line in the Chorus strikes me as the summing up of the story. THE Hook, the title usually, the main idea, is usually emphasized in the Chorus. The last line is the most strategic location, the last thing left ringing in listeners’ ears as the Chorus ends. It is usually easy to see why that’s the title too. It means something significant in the story. Listeners ‘get it’ because it makes sense, applies, sums up.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? http://www.garyeandrews.com

 
     
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Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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Aug 03, 2017, 06:09 AM

Now my lyrical education really begins. Many thanks….

 
     
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scott driver Joined Aug 01, 2017
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Aug 03, 2017, 06:31 AM

LOL, Yup….. Beat it till it sings! :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Aug 03, 2017, 07:05 PM

Well, when I sing, it always sounds like someone is beating me. Doesn’t stop me though. Welcome aboard, Scott.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Aug 04, 2017, 02:49 AM

Thank you for the kind welcome. LOL, Suppose there’s inspiration in every situation..

 
     
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scott driver Joined Aug 01, 2017
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