dreaming

 
       
 
Sep 12, 2017, 03:33 PM

i had a little scheme
though you’re not what i dreamed

i would wish this and that
forgetting things i have

it wasn’t long before i came around
it wasn’t long no it wasn’t long
before i came around

i’d dream my life away
then i woke up one day
reality stepped in
showed the way home again

it wasn’t long before i came around
it wasn’t long no it wasn’t long
before i came around

i often saw your face
thinking we’d have a place

i never saw another
it was us together

it wasn’t long before i came around
it wasn’t long no it wasn’t long
before i came around

dreaming was for me
wouldn’t let things be
before i realized
thought you’re were more than i

it wasn’t long before i came around
it wasn’t long no it wasn’t long
before i came around

it wasn’t long
it wasn’t long
no it wasn’t long

[ Edited: 14 September 2017 05:06 PM by dennis dawe]
 
     
dennis dawe Joined Apr 17, 2010
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Sep 20, 2017, 04:31 PM
Brad De Younge - 20 September 2017 11:40 AM

Every Line should point at your Title


A chorus Usually Sums up what goes on in the verses Does Yours ??


If I was you I would buy a few books on SONGWRITNG


Over and Out from me

i thought it did…it’s about a guy dreaming what he thought the girl would be but she wasn’t…

 
     
dennis dawe Joined Apr 17, 2010
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Sep 20, 2017, 10:21 PM
dennis dawe - 20 September 2017 04:31 PM
Brad De Younge - 20 September 2017 11:40 AM

Every Line should point at your Title


A chorus Usually Sums up what goes on in the verses Does Yours ??


If I was you I would buy a few books on SONGWRITNG


Over and Out from me

i thought it did…it’s about a guy dreaming what he thought the girl would be but she wasn’t…

I like this concept of what your song is about. Its original. I’m a Newbie so my ability to give advice is not very useful. I will once again state that the idea behind the song is original. It got my attention.

” I’m just a guy with a Guitar”
      BC Caster

 
     
BCCaster Joined Aug 29, 2017
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Sep 21, 2017, 08:31 AM

Hello Dennis,

Good to see you, and you do have a good concept here, which may need further development.  I can’t speak for Brad, but I think he is trying to point out that your title/hook, which is normally emphasized in the chorus, is not clearly supported in your verses, the story line which takes your listener/reader on their mental journey through your lyric.  I am not saying you are right or wrong in the structure of this lyric, it is what you want it to be, however to make it easier for your listener/reader to know what you want them to feel may take a little restructuring with more emphasis on your title/hook, “dreaming”, which appears once in this lyric.  I notice that “it wasn’t long” and “before I came around” appear at strategic points in the lyric.  Would it be possible to use either or both as your title/hook?  Either way, I wish you the best with this endeavor.

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

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Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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