Girl’s road trip

 
       
 
Sep 19, 2017, 10:31 AM

Work in progress

Looking for feedback, comments, suggestions of any kind please. Thank you.


Title:
Girls Road Trip:


The rain finally stopped
and the skies turned blue
Tired of this small town
never nothin to do
Gonna make a call
see what the girls are up to


2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunettes
A pearl white convertible
that seats six
Looks like a perfect day
for a girls road trip.


So come on girls
wherever we go we go
it’s not the destination
it’s the open road


2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette
A pearl white convertible
that seats six
Looks like a perfect day
for a girls road trip.


2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette
Looks like a perfect day
for a girls road trip.


So come on girls
Wherever we go we go
It’s not the destination
It’s the open road


Because


Right past old man Johnson’s farm
is a place we’ve never gone
It’s the open road,  and it’s free
You can unlock your dreams


Leave the past in the rear view mirror
Let’s go we’re outta here
No worries no regrets
The golden rule
Loose lips sink ships


2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette
A pearl white convertible
that seats six
Looks like a perfect day
for a girls road trip.


So come on girls
Wherever we go we go
It’s not the destination
It’s the open road


Golden beaches along the way
Tan surfer boys catch waves
Laughing till our stomach ache
Singing til we can’t speak


Torn blue jeans & flip flops
Pretty in pink bikini tops
Make’in memories on a winding road
Wherever we go we go


When we pass by the people know:


2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette
A pearl white convertible that seats six
Must be a girls road trip
Gotta be a girl road trip
Looks like a girls road trip.


There nothing like a girls road trip
A girls road trip.
A girls road trip

 
     
September Minamora Joined Feb 21, 2009
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Sep 19, 2017, 12:32 PM

This could be really good with a boppy, feel good pop melody.

2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunettes

That’s really catchy and sing-along.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Sep 21, 2017, 01:02 PM

Thank you
That means a lot coming from you.
I see it as a fast paced song, upbeat, happy fun feeling, light hearted.
I only wish I knew how to play an instrument or to put music to it.
Guess I should learn how or at least try.
Thank you

 
     
September Minamora Joined Feb 21, 2009
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Sep 25, 2017, 09:21 PM

I also Like the use of
2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette

” I’m just a guy with a Guitar”
      BC Caster

 
     
BCCaster Joined Aug 29, 2017
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Sep 26, 2017, 02:55 AM

You will be surprised how knowing a little bit of what a guitar offers can go for miles and miles on your ‘road trip’. Try it. I’m confident you’ll like it. Get a tuning device so you can tune to Standard Pitch. If you can get the simplest of lessons from anyone who knows a few chords you’ll be…well…off and running on a guitar road trip.

I see a few edits:

Title:
Girls’ Road Trip:

Verse 1:
The rain finally stopped
The skies turned blue
I’m tired of this small town
never nothin’ to do
I’m gonna make some calls
see what the girls are up to!
(Exclamation point to indicate dynamics of delivery, perhaps a rise in pitch, cadence, to indicate the Chorus is coming. I estimate this will be about 30 or 40 seconds in, counting a 10 to 14 second instrumental Introductory Movement.)

Chorus:
2 blondes!
2 redheads!
2 brunettes!
A pearl white convertible
that seats all six!
Looks like a perfect day
for a Girls’ Road Trip!
A Girls’ Road Trip!

Verse 2: (Matching the number of syllables of Verse 1 would make the Melody match. V1 has six lines: The first four lines have 5 4 6 6 syllables/notes, the way I’m pronouncing the words.)
So come on my girls (gives you 5)
where we go we go (having 1 extra can still work; having 3 extra might not. Or might. Singers make things work.)
It’s not the destination (1 extra)
It’s the open road (1 less)
I’m gonna make some calls (You need to duplicate these two lines to make V2 match V1.)
see what the girls are up to! (You need to match your Rhyme-Scheme. V1 was ‘stopped, blue, town, do, calls, to’. So V2 should be ‘grils, go, destination, road, ?, and a Rhyme for the o sound of ‘go’ and ‘road’. How about ‘See if my girls wanna go!’, again ‘lifting’ in pitch or cadence dynamics to indicate the repeat of the Chorus.)

Repeat Chorus:
2 blondes!
2 redheads!
2 brunettes!
A pearl white convertible
that seats all six!
Looks like a perfect day
for a Girls’ Road Trip!
A Girls’ Road Trip!

2 blondes!
2 redheads!
2 brunettes!
Looks like a perfect day
for a Girls’ Road Trip!

(At this point you have to start thinking about time. If the Song goes on too long you can lose listeners, especially those strategic decision-makers who decide whether to record and release your Song to market. You probably have a Melody you sing this to. Sing it and time the execution. If you go over 3 minutes and 30 seconds you won’t be ‘radio friendly’. You perceive, correctly, that this is a light, fun Song. It could be someone’s BIG SUMMER HIT, the Song that gets played a million times because it becomes everyone’s summer ‘anthem’. And then gets played again next summer and next summer and next summer. Radio play on that scale can generate a lot of Royalties with that kind of appeal.)

So come on girls
Wherever we go we go
It’s not the destination
It’s the open road

(These other stanzas lose that Rhyme-Scheme established in Verse 1, A B C B D B.  ‘stopped, blue, town, do, calls, to’. V2 would be ‘girls, go, destination, road, calls, go’. Six lines. Below you have stanzas with only four lines. And their Rhyme-Schemes are: ‘farm, gone, free, dreams’, A B, C, C. You’re setting the scene, but you may not have ‘room’ (time) on the stage for all those visual ‘props’.)

Because

Right past old man Johnson’s farm
is a place we’ve never gone
It’s the open road,  and it’s free
You can unlock your dreams

(A B C D E No Rhyme, unless you count the imperfect but workable ‘mirror, here’. Five lines, not six, or four. This could work as a Bridge, a variation of Melody, breaking the repetition, setting up for a final giving of the Chorus and end.)
Leave the past in the rear view mirror
Let’s go we’re outta here
No worries No regrets
The golden rule
Loose lips sink ships

Repeat Chorus:
2 blondes!
2 redheads!
2 brunettes!
A pearl white convertible
that seats all six!
Looks like a perfect day
for a Girls’ Road Trip!
A Girls’ Road Trip!.

(More scene-setting below, but I’m sure you’re exceeding the radio-friendly time span you need to get it cut and released. And you’ve lost your Rhyme-Scheme.)

Golden beaches along the way
Tan surfer boys catch waves
Laughing till our stomach ache
Singing til we can’t speak


Torn blue jeans & flip flops
Pretty in pink bikini tops
Make’in memories on a winding road
Wherever we go we go


When we pass by the people know:

(This looks like a Coda, the final Musical Movement, to end. It would come right after the Bridge, if you make one.)
2 blondes
2 redheads
2 brunette
A pearl white convertible that seats six
Must be a girls road trip
Gotta be a girl road trip
Looks like a girls road trip.


There nothing like a girls road trip
A girls road trip.
A girls road trip

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? http://www.garyeandrews.com

 
     
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Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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