tomcat

 
       
 
Jan 18, 2018, 10:48 AM

I can smell your hunger and arousal
I know where your hand slides in the night
never mind, I won’t reveal your secret
be assured I won’t switch on the light

no use to hide, I see you in the dark
I have come so I can leave my mark
spare your tears, and spare your fear
I’m the tomcat - I’ll take you while we’re here

you don’t have to fight off your desire
I don’t see why you should feel ashamed
I could be the answer to your wishes
you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained

no use to hide, I see you in the dark
I have come so I can leave my mark
spare your tears, and spare your fear
I’m the tomcat - I’ll take you while we’re here

Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician;
likes rock, writes for anybody anyway
http://bernd-harmsen.com

 
     
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Bernd Harmsen Joined May 31, 2009
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Jan 18, 2018, 02:06 PM

I like it, Bernd. Full of menace and promise at the same time.

I made a few suggestions below. The only one which might be important is changing “no use to hide” to “no use hiding.” It’s more natural English. The others are just stylistic preferences, which may or may not coincide with yours.

Do you have a tune for this. I can see it as a kind of snarling punk sound, but it also made me think of Kurt Weill for some reason.

I can smell your hunger and arousal
I know where your hand slides in the night
don’t worry, I won’t reveal your secret
you know I won’t switch on the light

no use hiding, I see you in the dark
I have come to leave my mark
spare me your tears, spare me your fear
I’m the tomcat - I’ll take you while we’re here

no need to fight off your desire
no reason for you to feel ashamed
I could be the answer to your wishes
you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained

no use hiding, I see you in the dark
I have come to leave my mark
spare me your tears, spare me your fear
I’m the tomcat - I’ll take you while we’re here

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Jan 19, 2018, 09:06 AM

Hello Bernd,

Good to see you again, good write, very interesting.  One question though, you would know better than I, second verse line four, could that line flow just as well without “you know”?  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon,

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

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Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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Jan 19, 2018, 12:49 PM

Thank you both!

Gavin, I have made a few changes combining your and someone else’s suggestions. Your lines “no need…” and “no reason…” would not match the meter I have currently in mind - although that may change once I or someone else sets the lyrics to music. This is the modified version:

I can smell your hunger and arousal
I know where your hand slides in the night
never mind, I won’t reveal your secret
REST assured I won’t switch on the light

no use HIDING, I see you in the dark
I ‘VE COME TO YOU TO to leave my mark
spare your tears, and spare your fear
I’m the tomcat - I’ll take you while we’re here

THERE’S NO NEED to fight off your desire
I don’t see why you should feel ashamed
I could be the answer to your wishes
you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained

no use hiding, ...

Thanks again,
and see you around,

Bernd

Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician;
likes rock, writes for anybody anyway
http://bernd-harmsen.com

 
     
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Bernd Harmsen Joined May 31, 2009
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Jan 19, 2018, 02:46 PM

Just a thought….....

The longing in your touch betrays you
Every move of your hips screams desire
Aching to surrender a wet secret
You’re no longer in control of the fire

Prowling and emboldened by your scent
You know that I will find you in the dark
We will set your bed ablaze with passion
And the tomcat will again leave his mark

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Jan 19, 2018, 02:57 PM

Phew! I need to go for a lie down after reading that.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Jan 19, 2018, 09:23 PM

yeh, and have a smoke :o

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

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Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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Jan 20, 2018, 02:03 AM

In my version the “tomcat” takes batteries :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Jan 20, 2018, 08:15 AM

Tony,

your lines look like the promising beginning of yet another - rather saucy - song. I’d not call it “tomcat”, though, but something like “snake” or “eel” or some such ;-)

Cheers,
Bernd

Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician;
likes rock, writes for anybody anyway
http://bernd-harmsen.com

 
     
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Bernd Harmsen Joined May 31, 2009
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Jan 20, 2018, 11:00 AM

Damn Japov Laughed my ##off.

 
     
carroll kiphen Joined Feb 22, 2016
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Jan 29, 2018, 06:57 PM

this is sick! what is this song about Bernd? sounds like rape.

 
     
Chloe Withers Joined Aug 21, 2016
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Jan 29, 2018, 07:14 PM

Lol, I almost said the same thing…..... :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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