Alright, Alright

 
       
 
Apr 04, 2018, 12:11 PM

https://youtu.be/tbVuAs_adiY

Wrote this recently, feel free to give it a listen/critique, and feel free not to. Whichever yer feelin’!

 
     
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Rhys Fraser Joined Jan 30, 2018
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May 12, 2018, 02:52 AM

Honestly man, I think you should rewrite the chorus. The verse is great and sets the tone for the song of this Bob Dylan-y kind of vibe. The chorus falls off, and it needs to be the strongest part. The guitar is cool, but just try writing a few more versions of the chorus and see if you don’t find one you like more.

Keep it up buddy.

 
     
Ethan Murrell Joined Feb 17, 2017
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May 12, 2018, 03:28 PM

Damn, falls off that much eh? Appreciate the critique, I’ll rewrite some choruses and see what I can come up with. Thanks for listening and giving feedback, I really appreciate it!

Cheers
Rhys

 
     
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Rhys Fraser Joined Jan 30, 2018
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May 12, 2018, 08:28 PM

I don’t mean I hate it ya know? But there is a lot of responsibility that falls on the chorus. How many versions of the chorus did you write before you swttled on that one? If the answer is less than 5 I’d just say aim for about 5 versions of something—even if you think you like the first one—you never know what you’ll find in later drafts

 
     
Ethan Murrell Joined Feb 17, 2017
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May 13, 2018, 03:55 PM

Haha, definitely wrote exactly one…I’ll definitely start writing a few instead, great idea! Really appreciate it

 
     
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Rhys Fraser Joined Jan 30, 2018
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Jun 18, 2018, 07:28 AM

Hi Rhys,

I’d take a look at the lyrics and see what can be trimmed out or reworded.  At some places there seem to be too many words for the bar of music.  I would’ve liked to hear the chorus once more after the “angels only live in fairy tales” part.  But this is all just my opinion.  Otherwise it sounds like it’s got potential.  Keep going!

Life is short, Do what you ❤️!
To check out my 365 Songwriting Challenge click the link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR-VlTrsAFM3gYnlAdk4Ucw

 
     
Miu Joined Jun 18, 2018
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Jun 23, 2018, 01:47 PM

Thanks! Sorry for the late reply, haven’t been on here in ages. I agree it needs more editing. Haven’t considered the third chorus thing, but I like the idea. I’ll defonitely give it a go! Cheers

 
     
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Rhys Fraser Joined Jan 30, 2018
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