Looking for Country Singer

 
       
 
Apr 10, 2018, 08:03 PM

Hi, I"m Josh, and I"m looking for a country singer to do my songs.  I am 15, and my voice is less than stellar as a result, and I can’t play guitar like my songs would be sung with.  If there is anyone looking for something like this, PM me.  Here’s a bit of my most recent song:

“Good Day”

God sent many women in my path
But there was one I just could not ignore
Her hazel eyes, her brownish hair
The way she smiled in the mid-day air
She grabbed my heart and took it on a tour

Up and down the country hills
This is the way we’re supposed to live
When you’re young, in love, havin’ good times,
Staring into her beautiful eyes
Jump up and down
Have a good day
Love your life,
Live happy and play
This is the way that I was raised
Yeah, have a good day!

God Bless America
———————————-
God Bless Country
———————————-
God Bless the USMC

 
     
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Joshua Sulentic Joined Apr 08, 2018
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Apr 11, 2018, 11:52 AM

Joshua,

Before you look for a singer, it’s a good idea to get the song finished. What you really need is a co-writer, someone more accomplished with more experience to help you develop where you are trying to go. A few things to look at here.

REDUNDANT INFORMATION
if you have “eyes” in one place (your verse) no need to mention it again in your chorus. Just wastes line. You’ve already mentioned she has eyes.

DON’T CHANGE TENSES.
In the verse you are talking about “Her” and all the things she made you feel. But in the chorus, you are telling a “YOU” to have a great day.
That really doesn’t connect. If you were saying “You HAD” a great day, the day she made you feel that way, or if you were talking to another person about THEM having a great day (which really doesn’t work either) or THAT girl, how great a day it was, it would make more sense.
Try to keep your tenses straight. “Who is singing, who is it being sung to.”

MOST IMPORTANT THOUGHT
What is this really ABOUT? If it is about “roaming the country hills, valleys, jumping up and down, etc. aside from looking in her eyes, really doesn’t have a lot about HER, which is the point of your song. That is called “REINFORCING YOUR HOOK.”

Now if you had a hook, “THAT WAS A GREAT DAY” and your verse filled in information about running through the hills, and the day you spent with this woman, it might make a bit more sense.
When you are referring to women, be very careful about saying “God Sent so many women in my life” it sounds quite arrogant. Women only want to know if THEY are THE ONE. They really don’t care about other women who came before them.
You might mention that “God has sent many blessings in my life, but the ONE that stands out…” would focus that. Really keep the entire focus on this particular woman and how she made you feel.
You also might want to make the second verse about what YOU DID FOR HER.

Target audiences for music are 70% female. So everything in a song like this should be geared on talking about how great she was and the things you did for each other. Things like giving her a rose, writing a note that she will treasure forever, taking selfies together out in the fields or woods, etc.
A mistake a lot of newer writers are writing about themselves. Work on finding ways to focus on OTHER people. That will bring them more into your songs as they can feel a kinship with it.

Usually keeping the “visual furniture” in the verses, and being specific, is a good idea, then finding the EMOTION in your choruses, where you can be more GENERAL, (feelings) will help you move forward. Use your verses to DESCRIBE your scene. Use your CHORUSES to explain what it MEANS, and how you FEEL about it.

Up and down those country hills
Just the way I’d love to live
Her hazel eyes, dark brown hair
Honeysuckle in the air
Young, in love, having great times
Sun came out every time she smiled

Chorus
YEAH, THAT WAS A GREAT DAY
IF I HAD ONE TO LIVE OVER IN EVERY WAY
WHEN ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS BE HAPPY AND SAFE
THAT’S THE MEMORY. I’LL ALWAYS SAVE
YEAH, THAT WAS A GREAT DAY


Good luck and keep at it.

MAB

 
     
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MBarne4908 Joined Jul 29, 2010
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Apr 11, 2018, 11:56 AM

Joshua,

Here are some things you might find helpful. From the BMI newsletter this month.

https://www.bmi.com/news/entry/4_dos_and_donts_when_writing_songs?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Weekly 62&utm_content=Weekly 62+CID_70a8fe200a6924a80e3df7f058a5a4c7&utm_source=Email marketing software&utm_term=READ MORE

 
     
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MBarne4908 Joined Jul 29, 2010
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Apr 11, 2018, 03:57 PM

Thanks MBarne.  I’m rather new to songwriting and I’ll take any advice I can get.

God Bless America
———————————-
God Bless Country
———————————-
God Bless the USMC

 
     
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Joshua Sulentic Joined Apr 08, 2018
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Apr 12, 2018, 10:24 AM

I understand Joshua. 14-15 is where people start off learning about songwriting. Good for you. But try to get around some people in your area that you can hang out with, get to know, and learn from. Try to get as many co-writers as you can. That will give you some ideas and help you keep moving forward.

I have a lot of videos on my web site, Facebook and soon my YOU TUBE channel, which teach a lot of these elements. If you ever need help, feel free to shoot me a note, here or on some of those sites. Might find some help here:

http://www.marcalanbarnette.com

https://www.facebook.com/marcalan.barnette/videos?lst=675950639:675950639:1523542968

(You can always call me “MAB”, Rhymes with “CAB”. Stands for MARC-ALAN BARNETTE.

 
     
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MBarne4908 Joined Jul 29, 2010
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