Daffodils on Windowsills

 
       
 
Apr 19, 2018, 02:58 PM

Hey guys, I’m Henry O’Farrell - 18 years old and I love writing music. Here is my new song, Daffodils on Windowsills:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmBGqeXotH4

Its basically about a boy and girl who fall head over heals for each other in the spring, but for some reason (I’ll leave that up to you!), cannot see each other in the winter. So during winter the boy keeps a daffodil on his window to remind him of her and spring.

The lyrics are:


Growing Daffodils on windowsill all winter long
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Your packing up you brief case, Love is just a brief taste, falling at your feet like you tie together my shoelace
You put me through you pace, unfamiliar faces, living on the traces of your love

We spin spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down bus stop doors
Running through wheat crops until summer stops Until we pack up shop and put the pictures back in the draw

Growing Daffodils on windowsill all winter long
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

You got me going to,
church on a Monday raincoats on a sunny day, half a pack of cigarette sitting in my ashtray
I need a clear sentence like HD display, your ####### colder than ice but sweeter than sorbet, I need a clear answer like fill out a ####### survey

Growing Daffodils on windowsill all winter long
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Growing Daffodils on windowsill all winter long
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Your the daffodil on my windowsill until summer comes back around

Hope you enjoy it :))))

 
     
Henry O'Farrell Joined Apr 19, 2018
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Apr 19, 2018, 03:59 PM

Hey Henry, welcome. Seems like you have a bit of an Ed Sheeran vibe going there both in your sound and lyrical style :) Not my kind of thing, but I have to say I thought you sounded pretty good.

You also seem to have channeled your inner Theresa May with the running through the wheat. LOL.

I love the density of the imagery. There’s a lot packed into each line. I must admit I got a bit lost trying to piece it all together though. E.g…

“We spin spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down bus stop doors” Both great images, but they seem to sit a bit uncomfortably together. Also, you have doors on your bus stops - pretty posh round your way :) 

Same with…
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Nice visual images, but what does it all mean? A desert creek is a long way from those daffodils on the windowsill.

Don’t get me wrong. I liked it. Otherwise I wouldn’t be commenting.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Apr 19, 2018, 06:09 PM

I just think the wordy bits could be thinned out a some for the sake of timing….

We’re spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down to bus stops—-pause—-
—-doors are closing
Running through the wheat crops until summer stops and we pack up shop—-
—-world keeps turning

Like your style Henry! :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 19, 2018, 06:18 PM

JAPOV, if you listen to Ed Sheeran, you’ll see that’s the way he does it - packing in a lot of words, often with internal rhymes in unusual places. The kids seem to like it.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Apr 19, 2018, 06:24 PM

Well,....... I have no clue who that is lol! I would just like to be able to understand Henry.
Perhaps we’re just getting old lol :)

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 19, 2018, 06:34 PM

Best selling album last year in the UK and number 4 in the US.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Apr 20, 2018, 02:20 AM
Gavin Sinclair - 19 April 2018 03:59 PM

Hey Henry, welcome. Seems like you have a bit of an Ed Sheeran vibe going there both in your sound and lyrical style :) Not my kind of thing, but I have to say I thought you sounded pretty good.

You also seem to have channeled your inner Theresa May with the running through the wheat. LOL.

I love the density of the imagery. There’s a lot packed into each line. I must admit I got a bit lost trying to piece it all together though. E.g…

“We spin spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down bus stop doors” Both great images, but they seem to sit a bit uncomfortably together. Also, you have doors on your bus stops - pretty posh round your way :) 

Same with…
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Nice visual images, but what does it all mean? A desert creek is a long way from those daffodils on the windowsill.

Don’t get me wrong. I liked it. Otherwise I wouldn’t be commenting.

Thank you very much for your reply. Thats a really interesting point actually and something that I believe you completely right about. I guess through righting the sonf, I knew exactly what I was meaning, but not that listeners may know exactly what it is.

I do like to try and bit a bit abstract with my lyrics, but I do completely understand what you mean. The usual sort of song I enjoy writing, is just about telling a story and this is something that I need to start doing again.

Thanks a lot for the reply :)

 
     
Henry O'Farrell Joined Apr 19, 2018
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Apr 20, 2018, 02:23 AM
JAPOV - 19 April 2018 06:09 PM

I just think the wordy bits could be thinned out a some for the sake of timing….

We’re spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down to bus stops—-pause—-
—-doors are closing
Running through the wheat crops until summer stops and we pack up shop—-
—-world keeps turning

Like your style Henry! :)

Hi JAPOV,

I get exactly what you mean actually. I enjoy trying to right quite abstract lyrics and I think this plus the fact that the song is quite fast can possibly come across as rather confusing!

It is definitely something that I will try and improve next time.

Thanks for the reply :)

 
     
Henry O'Farrell Joined Apr 19, 2018
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Apr 20, 2018, 02:24 AM
Gavin Sinclair - 19 April 2018 03:59 PM

Hey Henry, welcome. Seems like you have a bit of an Ed Sheeran vibe going there both in your sound and lyrical style :) Not my kind of thing, but I have to say I thought you sounded pretty good.

You also seem to have channeled your inner Theresa May with the running through the wheat. LOL.

I love the density of the imagery. There’s a lot packed into each line. I must admit I got a bit lost trying to piece it all together though. E.g…

“We spin spinning tops on table tops chasing rain drops down bus stop doors” Both great images, but they seem to sit a bit uncomfortably together. Also, you have doors on your bus stops - pretty posh round your way :) 

Same with…
And all nightlong well glow like street signs made of neon
From mountain peak to desert creek all in a lovesong

Nice visual images, but what does it all mean? A desert creek is a long way from those daffodils on the windowsill.

Don’t get me wrong. I liked it. Otherwise I wouldn’t be commenting.

Also, It is quite probably possible to write a whole song with some of the things Theresa May says - It would be a funny challenge aha!!!

 
     
Henry O'Farrell Joined Apr 19, 2018
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May 12, 2018, 02:48 AM

Okay bud, here’s my thoughts (I’m just some ######### though)

The song’s too long. In my humble opinion, as the other guys said already, you echo Ed Sheehan a lot. Those are pretty radio friendly songs, and typically are better if under 3:30 or so. That wouldn’t be an issue for me if I didn’t feel like some of the verse stuff/the jammy stuff wasn’t just unecessary. You’ve got a great chorus, just be careful not to stray too far from what will make people like the song.

Personally I think the concept of “rapping” a bit in the verses is fine…but melody wise I think you could still mess with it a little bit. I’d be happy to help with this if you want—but really it has to be your idea for you to like it anyway.

You’ve got an amazing voice, and I didn’t start until I was 20, so I can’t even put into words how much better you are than I was at your age. Keep it up!!

I wanna say all of this with a caveat that, just because there are things I’m not in love with about the song, doesn’t mean I don’t think it can be a great song. I’m a strong believer that even the best writers have to go through hundreds of ###### drafts before they get anything worthwhile—and you’ve got the vastly harder parts done already, so you’re almost there imo.

Good luck bud.

 
     
Ethan Murrell Joined Feb 17, 2017
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Jun 30, 2018, 10:56 AM

Hey there!  Really liked this song!  You have a cool style of singing as well.  I found the rapping part maybe needed a bit of revision…just probably a tweak so all the words were heard, were rhythmically on, and flowed smoothly.  Otherwise, you had a catchy melody, and a song many girls will swoon over!  Congratulations, and keep going!

Life is short, Do what you ❤️!
To check out my 365 Songwriting Challenge click the link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR-VlTrsAFM3gYnlAdk4Ucw

 
     
Miu Joined Jun 18, 2018
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