NEED MELODY FOR LYRICS

 
       
 
Apr 23, 2018, 04:06 PM

Hi,
  I am sharing lyrics and intended genre of a song for which I can’t come up with a beautiful tune. Anyone interested in collaboration??

UNPLUGGED (NO DRUMS/BEATS)
ONLY PIANO
SLOW TEMPO; SOFT SOOTHING SOUND; HEARTFELT VOCALS
MOOD: EXTREME SPIRITUAL LONGING

“Soul Speech”

Here I stand in front of you
So blessed are very few
Still I don’t fulfill your right
Why don’t I fear your might?
My possessions, I don’t own
I am needy down to the bone
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God
I bite the hand that feeds
You put curtains over deeds
I seek bliss in a vain act
But you keep sanity intact
Your mercy, I’m lost for words
You’re the King of all worlds
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God
In this confession, I find peace
You are the one I shall please
I, not the world, must change
This aim is within my range
My vanity, I’ll relinquish
Your pleasure, my only wish
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God!

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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Apr 23, 2018, 06:24 PM

You should post this in the lyrics library Aadll, get some feedback on wording/structure and such :)

Hey MAB! You’re slipping man, we got a “Noob” here! :)

[ Edited: 24 April 2018 11:09 AM by JAPOV]
 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 26, 2018, 05:59 AM

Hello again Aadil. Your words are beautiful. I find myself wishing I had the time to work with these. The melody just jumps out at me.

Always when I’m working out my own songs, I go searching for the weakest point in the song. That strategy helps me to refine the song in a very focused way. When I look at this song, I see the first verse as the weakest point (I’ve labelled these parts as I see them so that you know which part I am referring to). To me, the first verse seems to lack the focus of the second verse which speaks about God’s gifts to us—His forgiveness and grace. In my opinion, the first verse needs to be more focused. I think it’s the second line that derails it from its theme (being in the presence of God).

Also, consider what I’ve labelled the pre-chorus. The first pre-chorus makes a good point, but does it follow on from “why don’t I fear your might?” It’s a jump from one idea to another with no discernible link between the two. The second pre-chorus, however, is lovely. It really ties in to the “heartfelt..spiritual longing” theme that you are aiming for and leads beautifully into the chorus, which is gorgeous.

“Soul Speech”

Verse 1:
Here I stand in front of you
So blessed are very few
Still I don’t fulfill your right
Why don’t I fear your might?

Pre-chorus:
My possessions, I don’t own
I am needy down to the bone

Chorus:
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God

Verse 2:
I bite the hand that feeds
You put curtains over deeds
I seek bliss in a vain act
But you keep sanity intact

Pre-chorus:
Your mercy, I’m lost for words
You’re the King of all worlds

Chorus:
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God

Bridge:
In this confession, I find peace
You are the one I shall please
I, not the world, must change
This aim is within my range
My vanity, I’ll relinquish
Your pleasure, my only wish

Outro chorus:
You see everythin’
You witness it all
You know my every sin
Yet you love me, God!

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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Apr 26, 2018, 09:25 PM

Or here is fine lol….. Addll, would you be willing to take us through this line by line and show how it is inspired by, or correlates to, the Quran ?

[ Edited: 26 April 2018 09:29 PM by JAPOV]
 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 27, 2018, 06:57 AM

Dear Jenny, thanks a lot for your detailed reply. Actually when I originally was making this post, I had myself divided the lyrics into exactly the same portions as you have. But when it was submitted, it somehow got posted without the spaces in between and in one continuous set. Its just that I didn’t label it the way you have with appropriate headings otherwise I exactly meant it to be as you have put it. If we treat it as a poem, then you are right there can be many technical issues with it but if we only treat as song lyrics then I think if we can come up with a beautiful melody, the listener would not even notice the issues you have pointed out. But I truly appreciate your feedback anyways.

Dear Japov, I would not say it is specifically related to Quranic verses. To be honest, these lyrics can apply to any religion in the world - these are general truths expressed lyrically. I think you apply the same experiment on Bible as well. I would not say these are inspired by keeping in mind some exact quranic verses - this is a case of spiritual longing which any sincere believer can relate to

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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Apr 27, 2018, 07:19 AM
Aadil Farook - 27 April 2018 06:57 AM

...these lyrics can apply to any religion in the world - these are general truths expressed lyrically….this is a case of spiritual longing which any sincere believer can relate to

It’s certainly how I read it.

[ Edited: 28 April 2018 04:42 AM by Jenny Stokes]

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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Apr 27, 2018, 09:23 AM

Hello Aadil,

I have followed this thread and these beautiful lyrics.  I understand what you expect for your melody, not my cup of tea by the way, however I really must throw this out there.  After reading this lyric many times with your expectation in mind, I keep getting the vibe of a slow to moderate contemporary melody, similar to the contemporary Christian genre.  This is something to consider in my humble opinion.  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon,

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

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Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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Apr 27, 2018, 09:27 AM

Dear Deacon, thanks a lot for your input. Check email from me.

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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Apr 27, 2018, 09:42 AM

Thank you Aadil, I will do that.  Best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

 
     
Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
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Apr 27, 2018, 11:47 AM

Glad to hear that Addll, I was actually reluctant to comment here without first clarifying….. I’m sure you understand lol. I’ll start here then…..

“Still I don’t fulfill your right
Why don’t I fear your might?”

I hope you appreciate that I only respond as a believer myself. To me this is not in keeping with humility….. Jenn nailed it when she said “God’s Gift.” We are not gods, no man of his own will can stand justified before God least any man should proudly boast. God’s forgiveness is freely given and cannot be earned, only humbly accepted. One should always approach God in humility and fear of righteous judgement. God does not forgive because we earn it, God forgives because only God can. The best we can do is seek his wisdom…...... That’s why we need forgiveness.

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 27, 2018, 03:02 PM

Dear JAPOV, thanks for your critique. I agree with your stance. But I personally don’t find the lyrics devoid of humility.

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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Apr 28, 2018, 01:04 AM

I wouldn’t say “devoid” lol…. that’s a bit harsh.

 
     
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JAPOV Joined Jul 02, 2006
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Apr 28, 2018, 08:16 AM

Hello again Aadil.

It is because I believe there is so much to love about your lyrics and I’d really love to see them put to music that I say these words. I disagree with your claim that “if we only treat [these words] as song lyrics then I think if we can come up with a beautiful melody, the listener would not even notice the issues you have pointed out.” Perhaps if a person listens to music but does not really hear it, this statement would be true. However, I am a listener and I would notice as would others I am sure. I think you do yourself and your beautiful lyrics a disservice by not being willing to refine them.

While a beautiful melody is an important part of a song, it is not the only part. Writing words (albeit meaningful words) without considering their rhythm, flow and connection to the whole compromises the lyrical integrity of the song. To me, that isn’t an acceptable approach to songwriting, particularly where the message sung is so valuable.

I apologize if my critique seems harsh. I would never dream of making such a blunt appraisal if I did not believe in the project so much. Your words are undeniably beautiful and touch the heart. I pray you find your melody and the right collaborator.

Best wishes,
Jenny

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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Apr 28, 2018, 08:20 AM

Jenny, thanks a lot for the clarification and honesty. OK i will do something about them when I get free. I appreciate your comments

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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Apr 28, 2018, 08:24 AM

Now I’m all smiles. I’m so glad, Aadil.

https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://www.evansandstokes.com

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley

 
     
Jenny Stokes Joined Sep 24, 2015
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Apr 28, 2018, 08:33 AM

CHEERS JENNY

 
     
Aadil Farook Joined Oct 03, 2017
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