Hi everyone

 
       
 
Apr 25, 2018, 06:34 PM

Hi,
Sorry but I found this forum zapping online and it catched my attention, I’m not even English so I know it will be hard for me to work with words but I love music and I wrote a thing, I just played a bit but I’d like you to read it and tell me what do you think about it. I will appreciate every opinion even if it will just be a “that’s terrible”. Feel free to speak your mind


If you’re looking at stars constantly
I stay in the sky patiently
Shading half of myself
And you can look up
as long as you want
But at the end you will only howl to me
when I show myself full

Because if you’re the wolf
I am the moon

But it’s not the right time
It’s not the right night
I’m still turning my back
Coz you’re latest scream
Scratched my beam
Painted the night in black
You will call me again
I will show my smiling face
But you’ll know I’m hiding the pain
Again and again

Because if you’re the wolf
I am the moon

You say you want to grow old with me
I know there’s not a thing
I can believe in
I see you looking at stars
They shine brighter
catching your eyes
But they’ll always fall and fade
While I’ll find you in the glade
And I know you feel me closer
But I am here to be the choose

Because if you’re the wolf
I am the moon

I will hide my face
I can’t trust your game
I will turn away
But I will still remain
To hear you call my real name
Again and again
I will not move
Waiting for fate to play its last rune

Because if you’re the wolf
I am the moon

 
     
Lluvia Joined Apr 25, 2018
  • Rank

Send PM

 
Apr 25, 2018, 07:46 PM

Hello Lluvia,

Welcome to SW101, great to have you here.  I love this concept, and I understand English is not your first language.  I hope you don’t mind, as I have read through this lyric some subtle changes occur to me, I would like to share some with you, and please understand the structure of this lyric may need some work, however I am not addressing that presently.

You stare at the stars constantly,
I wait in the sky patiently.
Revealing only part of me,
as you gaze into the heavens.
In the end you will only howl,
as I expose myself fully.
You are the wolf I am the moon,
you are the wolf I am the moon.

These lines may or may not echo what you are trying to convey, and are merely suggestions, you can use them if you wish.  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon,

Music is an international language, say it with a song.

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

 
     
Deacon Joined Aug 30, 2009
  • Rank
  • Rank
  • Rank
  • Rank

Send PM

 
May 17, 2018, 12:46 AM

I want trap raps

 
     
Drill Drippy Joined May 17, 2018
  • Rank

Send PM