Sail away

 
       
 
May 21, 2018, 09:58 AM

They say I’m a dreamer
A fool who’s wasting time.
They say I’m out of touch.
A man who’s lost his mind.
Day and night I hammer,
Measure saw away.
Can’t see what I’m building.
Ask me I won’t say.

Some day, someday
I’m going to sail away.
Someday, someday
I’m going to sail away.

They say I’m a dreamer.
I want what cannot be.
They say men can’t tame waves
But I have in my dreams.
Day and night I’m sewing.
Measure, cut away
Can’t see what I’m doing.
Think that I’m insane.

Someday, someday
I’m going to sail away.
Someday, someday
I’m going to sail away

I Slip into the ocean
A ship with mighty sails.
Free from all the doubters.
I’m not afraid to fail.

I’ll go in search of paradise.
I’ll seek peace of mind.
A place where they don’t persecute
Others of their kind.

[ Edited: 21 May 2018 01:36 PM by carroll kiphen]
 
     
carroll kiphen Joined Feb 22, 2016
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May 21, 2018, 10:48 AM

Another excellent lyric, Carroll. I’m not so sure about these lines:

They say a man can’t fly.
But I have in my dreams.

The shift from sailing to flying confused me. For a moment, I thought the song was about the Wright brothers, but then it goes back to sailing.

My only other criticism would be that it’s in Tune Topics, but doesn’t have a tune :)

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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May 21, 2018, 11:56 AM

‘‘weathered criticism’’ strikes me as a line , that would be hard to sing . it dosent roll off the tongue very easily , and would probably create an awkward melody

 
     
sandor nevery Joined Jun 08, 2014
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May 21, 2018, 12:26 PM

Replaced with free from cynicism.
Any better?

 
     
carroll kiphen Joined Feb 22, 2016
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May 21, 2018, 01:02 PM

I think you would probably have the same problem with the word ‘‘cynicism . my suggestion would be to end the line with , either ‘‘judges’’ or ‘‘doubters’’ . possibly ‘‘weathering my judges’’ , weathering my doubters’’ , ‘’ free from all my judges’’ or ‘’ free from all my doubters’’ . I think those lines all contain 6 syllables , which wont mess up your original syllable count for that line

 
     
sandor nevery Joined Jun 08, 2014
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May 21, 2018, 01:36 PM

Thanks replaced with doubters.

 
     
carroll kiphen Joined Feb 22, 2016
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