(Video) Post Break-up Song… very emotional

 
       
 
Jun 22, 2018, 02:31 AM

Hello Songwriters!

This song is about a break up with a friend.  We’ve probably all been there.  But I feel that this song dissects the various emotions, not just anger, or sadness…it looks at the recovery phase as well. The getting better.
It’s called “Better Now”.  I use Garage band to make my backing tracks, and the lyrics are below.  I’m getting a condenser mic soon, so please excuse the possibly annoying sound quality if you’re used to more high level videos.  I’d appreciate feedback regarding flow, overall vibe, what genre you think this is, I’m still finding my voice as an indie artist after 5 years of cover band life…

https://youtu.be/ybTSMZ4GyNg


Better Now

Intro
Better, yea I’m feeling better now that you’re gone, you’re gone.
Better, yea I’m feeling better now that you’re gone, you’re gone.

Verse 1

Let go, of the fake show, that we put on,
No more, it’s a closed door, I’m moving on
Done deal, it’s how I feel, I must stay strong, so long!

Chorus
Heart ache, heart ache, you brought nothing but
All take, all take, I’d give it all up
Heat ache, heart ache, that’s all that you brought

Intro
Better, yea I’m feeling better now that you’re gone, you’re gone.
Better, yea I’m feeling better now that you’re gone, you’re gone.

Verse 2
Secrets,  like a fetus, grow into lies,
Weakness, helped me welcome you into my life
Sleepless, over drama, I’m cutting ties, bye bye!

Chorus

Life is short, Do what you ❤️!
To check out my 365 Songwriting Challenge click the link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR-VlTrsAFM3gYnlAdk4Ucw

 
     
Miu Joined Jun 18, 2018
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Jun 22, 2018, 05:12 PM

There’s a really catchy tune in there, especially in the chorus. Might be worth taking some time to work on the production of this. Of course, I’m not sure how you would find the time with your song-a-day schedule :)

The second last line “Weakness, helped me welcome you into my life” seemed a bit uncomfortable to sing. Hard to get your mouth around all those words. It might be easier to sing if you replaced “helped me” with “let me,” or redid the line to have fewer words/syllables.

 
     
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Gavin Sinclair Joined Dec 02, 2014
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Jun 22, 2018, 05:30 PM

Gavin,
Thank you for your valuable critique!  I appreciate your taking the time to listen with a discerning ear, and help where I needed it.  I was stuck on that lyric and am super grateful for your help with finding a more comfy fitting word to go there!  Haha!  There’s ALWAYS time for what you love… I will be recording a selection of my songs over the summer professionally, if this one gets chosen for the sessions, I will absolutely “take the time” to work on the production.  Thank you so much, and happy writing! 😄🎶✨

Life is short, Do what you ❤️!
To check out my 365 Songwriting Challenge click the link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR-VlTrsAFM3gYnlAdk4Ucw

 
     
Miu Joined Jun 18, 2018
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