Two new songs (minus chorus Help!!!!)

 
       
 
Jul 04, 2018, 06:40 PM

Hi All,

I have just started writing lyrics and I am really having trouble forming a bridge and chorus.
I have attached two of my lyrics here that i like. I would love any criticism and tips that any of you can provide
Thanks :)
Alex


(Lyric 1)
Driving to the golden sunset
With you by my side
No more words it’s all been said
Will you be my demise

And though the time is passing
There’s no substitute
I wouldn’t have it another way
You are my sweet pursuit

Race me to the end of time
And all that lies between
Moon and stars can’t hold us down
You are my one disease

Can’t find a cure I don’t want to
Lose another day with you
No antidote, can’t run from this
Fill me up and overdose


(Lyric 2)
Meteor feeling hooked on this
Flying high up with the stars
Take me up send me out there
I am not made from this rock

Cosmic rays light up my mind
Splendid bright and furious
Help me leave this world behind
For my time here is ended

Sunrise, starry eyes
Never sleeping always tired
This way of life is new to me
Finding all that I desire

No direction no true meaning
Pave the way for me I need it
But I feel this is what makes me
I’m just trying to catch a feeling

[ Edited: 04 July 2018 07:37 PM by Alexander Moore]
 
     
Alexander Moore Joined Jul 04, 2018
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Jul 05, 2018, 09:24 AM

These aren’t very ‘conversational’ Lyrics. There are incomplete sentences the listener would have to figure out for meaning. The overall ‘theme’ is vague.

The Chorus is the place to ‘sum up’ what preceding Verses have ‘set up’. Following Verses, after the Chorus, should lead naturally back to that ‘summing up’. For the Chorus, and especially THE Hook, the title line, you have to identify the gist of the story the Verses are telling. Again, the ‘story’ is vague, so the gist is elusive.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? http://www.garyeandrews.com

 
     
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Gary E. Andrews Joined Apr 12, 2005
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Jul 05, 2018, 09:53 AM

Just a tipp, it’s the approach that I use when writing to music:

*** write the chorus first ***

It’s the most important part and must stick out. Later you can try to come up with stories or situations that might have lead up to ‘this’ or could be summarized by it.

Writing bridges is one of my weaker points, hence no tipp there ;-)

Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician;
likes rock, writes for anybody anyway
http://bernd-harmsen.com

 
     
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Bernd Harmsen Joined May 31, 2009
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